Credit: Warner Bros.
Some guys like blondes, some like brunettes and some even like…iPhones?!
We all have a kinda sorta special relationship with our smartphones. You could even say we love our devices — but is it possible to love them? Oscar nominee “Her” offers an emphatic: Yes! In fact, Spike Jonze‘s sci-fi romcom can actually teach us the Guy Code for dating our Droids. (Warning: Spoilers ahead.)
1. You’ve Gotta Fail With Real Women First
Theodore, played by Joaquin Phoenix, is unlucky in love. His wife has left him and he now struggles to meet women. The point is, at least he tried to make it work with human ladies before buying an artificially intelligent girlfriend. (Wait a sec…isn’t that iProstitution?)
2. Tailor Her To Your Likes
Just as we all arrange our apps in a different way, Theodore is able to pick the kind of A.I. that most tickles his fancy: A sexy female program named Samantha (voiced by Scarlett Johansson). If only online dating were so easy.
The great thing about dating a smartphone is that it knows the things you enjoy — because you’ve programmed it — and doesn’t bother you with things you don’t enjoy, like watching “The Bachelor” or going window-shopping all day.
Theodore is able to spend hours on end talking to Samantha about all his interests in life. Whenever he doesn’t want to talk anymore, he can simply flip her closed. Good luck ending a conversation with your girlfriend like that without getting slapped.
4. Remember: Nobody’s Perfect
….especially somebody who doesn’t have a body. When Theodore and Samantha finally want to have sex, they have no choice but to hire a surrogate. It goes poorly. For some things, an idealized piece of artificial intelligence isn’t ideal.
5. Keep It Secret
A great thing about dating real-life women (besides the fact they have bodies) is that you can brag about them. If your girlfriend is awesome, you’ll want to parade her around town. If you’re dating your smartphone, however, you might wanna keep that to yourself.
Theodore discovers that, while some of his friends (like Amy Adams) are cool with his burgeoning digital love affair, others are creeped the f*ck out. Then again, you shouldn’t let your friends dictate your love life, right?
6. Accept That You Might Still Get Hurt
Eventually, a smartphone’s luster wears off. The corners get dented with wear, you drop it and shatter the screen, and then a new and better model comes out. Or, in the case of Samantha, Theodore learns that she’s been dating thousands of other men this entire time.
That’s right: Even your smartphone can cheat on you. If relationships make you feel insecure, a lock screen isn’t gonna change that.
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